You want a new kitchen, something beautiful, easy to use, a space that creates warmth and happy memories. The kitchen you have is functional, basically, but not really.  There are counters and drawers but they don't work the way you want them to, so you decide to scrap them all and start fresh.  Have you ever done that with your beliefs? Your values?

Think about it for a minute. When you decide to remodel your kitchen, you could just hire a designer and an engineer and leave all the hard work to them but, is there any guarantee that that new kitchen will make you happy? Really? You could hire someone to knock out all the walls and put in all the fancy equipment that you think will make you happy but, will it really?

If you've got lots of money to throw away then sure, maybe you'll be happy for a bit.  But what I'm asking you is this, will you really be happy with the new design and new equipment or is all of that just a temporary fix, a bandage on a wound that really needs your personal attention?

When you break down a kitchen and try to remodel it so that it functions the way you want it to and provides you with the space that creates warmth and healthy bonds for you and your family and friends, you really want to take it down to the bare boards, the base that it started it out with. You want to take out everything and start fresh from the foundation.  Why? Because that's how you begin building warmth, comfort and safety. A warm hearth is a safe hearth. A safe hearth is where friends and family feel safe to unload their worries, their stress, their fears.  A safe hearth is where your friends and family feel safe to be themselves and in today's world those places are becoming fewer and further between.  Don't you want your family and friends to feel safe in your home, in your kitchen, in the space that you hold for them? Don't you need that safe, warm place too?

You could say yes to all of this and then run off to start your kitchen renovation but this is not where I'm leading you.  What I'm really asking is this, is your heart a warm and safe place to be? Have you done the work to create a warm, safe haven in your heart for you? Until you do, your kitchen will only be half complete. You might not agree with me, and that's fine, you can leave this page saying that I don't know what I'm talking about and you may be right, but, what if I'm right? What if what I'm saying is actually true?  Could I be on to something here?

We're renovating our kitchen as I write.  I've spent hours pulling counters and shelves off of the walls, peeling layers of flooring off the floorboards and carrying loads of debris to the dumpster.  In that time I've had a lot of time to think and reflect on life.  Random songs have brought a myriad of memories to mind and I have raged and wept as the memories came.  A 3 pound sledgehammer is a great tool for relieving the stress of angry memories when lifting pieces of flooring, or pounding down resistant nails, but the 8 pound sledgehammer really helps beat stress when you're banging out shelving and cabinetry.  These tools and the moments that they give have really helped me deal with my own rage and sadness over the many wounds inflicted on my heart. What I find most interesting in these moments is that a song will be playing on spotify or pandora or whatever I'm listening to and the words will trigger a memory that will send me down the rabbit hole of WHY? Why did I think that? Why did I feel that then? Why didn't I just say no then? And then as I chisel more glue off of the kitchen flooring I'm asking myself, WHY? why did I agree to this or that, why did I continue to allow this or that behavior? WHY?

And that is how this blog idea began.  WHY do you believe what you believe?  How did those beliefs become ingrained in your soul?  Are they good beliefs, or not? Do they help you? Hinder you?  Only you have those answers.  Not me, not your partner, not your friends.  YOU.  You have to do the work to sort this out and I'm here to show you a way to sort this out, but only if you're willing.  Nobody else can do this for you. Nobody is doing it for me either.  I'm doing it on my own because that's the only way I'll know that my beliefs are mine.  Are you in?